This doesn't mean I am going to be a super blogger. I don't even know how to blog. I haven't written a real journal entry in awhile either so maybe this is a good thing. Ariel wants me to blog but I don't know what she wants me to write.
I chose this picture because this is the last really FUN day I think I've had this winter. We traveled to South Lake Tahoe, found a side road, drove as high as we could and played in the powder. I wonder if that area is covered in 6 ft of powder now? What a fun memory of climbing over rocks, making snow angels, taking in the view, feeling the cold wind on my face! These are memories to cherish.
March Madness- every year for the past 25 years, February and March have had an interesting undertone in our home. I am not really sure where the darkness comes from but I wish it would disappear. The grimness is always around during Christmas season too but that's pretty common for a lot of people. Generally, I thought it was me and something I'd done. Then I figured it had to do with someone's seasonal need for sunshine but we had plenty of sunshine in Phoenix and now California. I can't imagine life without joy and happiness yet there is one in our home who exists without it. What is my role in this darkness? I am not sure. I worry about the "if only" mantra which comes into conversations. I want to hold up a banner of courage that reads, "'IF ONLY' isn't happening so live with it and choose happiness"!
I am going to take a journey soon. Not sure where we're going but it will have sunshine and beaches and delicious food. My children are not welcome to come. I am going to turn off my phone during the day or maybe even go somewhere without cell service! I keep planning on things and then let negative thoughts of all the coordination it takes overwhelm me until I settle for nothing. Not a good thing! I don't know why it's so hard to just click on the "BOOK" button but I am going to do it!!! I think I am finally comfortable with how life is going so now I just need a caregiver to get Natalie to school, give her the medicines she needs at the times she needs the them, ensure she bathes and dresses properly and then I AM GONE! My sweet mom came with the flu last October when Chris and I went on a weekend birthday trip to Monterey and San Francisco. It was wonderful but not not sunny, warm beaches-just wonderful company and good food. It will just have to happen! Last year, I spent my 25th wedding anniversary at my dad's bedside in the VA Hospice. I wouldn't change where I was but this year I'll make is something wonderful.
